The Land of Oz: How to Make Your Thanksgiving Miserable (Some Bad Holiday Advice) Featured

Derek Osborn is the Executive Director of PRIDE of Tuscaloosa by trade and a writer by hobby. He lives in Tuscaloosa with his wife, Lynn, and their daughters, Savannah and Anica.  Derek Osborn is the Executive Director of PRIDE of Tuscaloosa by trade and a writer by hobby. He lives in Tuscaloosa with his wife, Lynn, and their daughters, Savannah and Anica.  Derek Osborn

I’ve always loved the holidays and the overabundance of food and the weird, hybrid Thanksgiving recipes brought by each person that walks in the door. I’d always heard that you can’t ruin dressing. 

Yes. Yes, you can. You can absolutely, positively, 100 percent ruin dressing. 

When preparing for a holiday gathering, you definitely have to get your mind right. My mindset has always centered around hoping for the best – yet realistically expecting the worst, while not openly being pessimistic. 

Here is the reality: Someone, if not an entire household, is going to show up late. If your gathering is scheduled at 11 a.m., you probably won’t eat until 1 p.m. Also, there will be a relative who brings someone who was not invited. 

Again, get your mind right. If you acknowledge these occurrences beforehand, they become a lot easier to digest once they come to fruition. 

However, if you are intent on making the party pathetic, here are some surefire ways to make it happen (which means, do NOT do these things):

Sign up to bring green bean casserole, and instead take Jell-O Salad: This is a great way to tick almost everyone off.  Just about everybody loves green bean casserole. It can sometimes be the most appealing thing on the table. But NOBODY likes Jell-O Salad. It’s not even salad. 

Bring a new significant other that none of your family has met: Family members expecting a family-only event will not cherish this decision. It may also create incredibly awkward, silent moments at dinner. Fun!

Begin a conversation relating to politics: If there is one thing the country, and your family, can’t agree on right now, its politics. So, yeah! Go for it. But no… DON’T. You are not going to change anyone’s mind, and they aren’t going to change yours. It’s a trap.

Bring homemade cranberry sauce: No, don't do this either. If you can’t see the can imprint on the cranberry, then it’s not Thanksgiving. Accept no substitutions. 

Tell everyone about your top-notch parenting skills (and indirectly imply how horrible everyone else is at it): Want to tick someone off while not necessarily meaning to tick someone off? Explain to everyone how great you are at raising kids while giving advice to others on how to raise theirs. On second thought, don’t. Everyone faces their own set of challenges in life, and no one is an expert on this one. Avoid. 

Get out your phone and start early Black Friday shopping at the table: No!! Put the dang phone down. Please. Just for a little while. For the love of… 

But in all seriousness, enjoy yourself. Relax. And Happy Turkey Day. 

I tweet insignificant things @ozborn34.      

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Druid City Living (DCL) is Tuscaloosa, Alabama's premier community newspaper, covering the great people, places and activities of the area.

 

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