Welcome to summer! We've skipped spring and entered directly into humidity heaven. Let the sweat commence!
I typically use this space of beautiful, contextual prose to try and enlighten lives in our community, or to make fun of myself, as a reminder that we are all humorously flawed individuals.
But not today. Today, you get a mild rant… fueled by ongoing frustration. And I bet you can guess what it concerns before you proceed.
“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” – Clark W. Griswold
If you are reading this, then most likely there is a reminder in your immediate vicinity that Christmas is coming. Soon.
After enduring a balmy and unpleasantly humid September and October, fall has seemingly arrived, bringing those of us who tend to sweat profusely some relief. Time for turkey! And to climb up in the attic and break out the reindeer décor.
I thought it might also be a good time to clean out the old electronic mail bag and actually respond to some questions and comments the loyal DCL readers send me or ask me in person (yes… believe it or not, sometimes people actually read my column and send inquiries). Shocking, right?
So, here goes. Feel free to send your own. I’m no “Dear Abby.” But “Dear Derek” has a nice ring to it.
Q: Derek, will you ever post your favorite recipes or at least your favorite things to cook when at home with your family?
A: Recipes … Eh, probably not. “Executive Director” and “Executive Chef” are two entirely different things. I claim to be the former, but definitely not the latter. I leave the recipes for the experts (see Amy Poore’s recipes section). But I do make a mean jambalaya, which is a slightly altered version of my mother’s recipe. My better half can also whip up a fantastic dish that we’ve named “Reef Chicken” as an honorarium to a now out-of-business restaurant we used to frequent. You’ll have to ask her if she’s willing to give it up.
Q: Derek, do you see the traffic situation in Tuscaloosa ever improving?
A: Yes. In the summer when school is out. And during the winter break. In all seriousness, there are strategic plans in the works to relieve traffic issues across our fair county. But as you know, those things take time. And due to construction, the situation will likely get worse before it gets better. When it comes to traffic in T-Town, patience is a virtue (and apparently, a requirement).
Q: Derek, Walt Maddox is running for governor. Any chance you’ll throw your name in the hat to be the next mayor of Tuscaloosa if he wins?
A: Negative. I honestly enjoy my current employment too much to give it up. Plus, Mrs. Oz might (replace with “could” … no, replace with “would”) take issue with the idea. And besides that, writing a monthly op-ed in a community newspaper does not necessarily qualify one to be THE mayor. Never say never, but replacing Walt with someone that can handle the challenges our growing city faces won't be an easy task, should he high-tail it to exotic Montgomery. And if that happens, all I can say is … choose wisely.
I tweet insignificant things @ozborn34.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (actually, it was just down the road), there lived a little boy who thought the world, and the people that inhabited it, had its proverbial (expletive) together.
Seriously, “spring fever” sounds like an illness contracted during allergy season. Or an unreleased Bee Gees tune.
The first time I ever heard the term, I thought people were crazy. Does this refer to the time of year when we should all be compelled to load up and go to the disco? Will Travolta be there wearing a suit covered in tulips and daisies? Do you even have a clue what I’m referring to? If not, congratulations. It means you are young.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Time to hang the stockings, nail up the lights, fall off a ladder, attempt to build snowman in 70-degree weather, check-off your gift list, and sing along to Christmas carols you’ve been listening to since you were a kid.
No pressure. It's only the rest of your life.
If you are an inhabitant of the planet Earth and reside somewhere in the U.S (especially Tuscaloosa), there is a good chance that you know someone who is graduating or has *just* graduated from an institution of learning this month. Whether it's college, high school, tech school, or nursing school, truckloads of young, bright minds are about to burst into the workforce to prove their worth in the business community and attempt to make the world a better place.
How many you ask?
By Derek Osborn
It’s that time of year where approximately one out of three people reading this fine piece of editorialized comment have resolved to make some sort of personal upgrade and pledged an extreme self-makeover.
As the majority of you are fully aware, most New Year’s resolutions fail. In fact, most of them never make it past January 30. It’s not that our intentions are bad. It’s usually just a case of devising an action plan that had an incredibly small chance of becoming a true lifestyle change.
Consider the numbers: Approximately 33 percent of resolution makers claim failure for a simple lack of tracking progress, and about 23 percent forget about what they set out to alter in the first place.